Heaven's Gain Ministries

Practical Information for Poor Prenatal Diagnosis or Early Infant Death

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Dear Parents who are experiencing the loss of a baby,

We are so sorry that your baby died. Discovering that your child may die at birth or shortly afterward is devastating.   We are so sorry for all you are going through. We pray daily for those experiencing miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. This is the ministry we felt called to fulfill.    We believe all parents have the right to have delivery options and to grieve for their child.  Parents should be fully informed and not be rushed into any decisions. Of course, you need to listen to your doctor’s advice. Usually, there is time to make many of the decisions you will need to make. We would like to make a few recommendations that we hope will help you as you greive and heal. You can find these recommendations below

Blessings and healing,

Donna and Jim Murphy

 

We would like to make a few suggestions/recommendations. Make a birth plan for the hospital.  It is not written in stone.  You can change it but, you may forget your plans if you do not write them down.  Ideas for a birth plan may include many areas as listed below.  :

1. Take pictures of your baby. Bring a separate SD card so they don't show up unexpectantly in the future.   Many people later regret not taking pictures. If your baby was 20 weeks or older there are professional photographers who do this for free. http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/

2. Spend time with your baby. You will never get this time back.

3. Have keepsakes you can put in a baby book or memory box(little blankets, caps, hospital bracelets, footprints and handprints, clay imprints of feet….

4. Let family members, especially siblings to the baby, say there good byes o when you are up to it.

5. Don’t be afraid to say what you want for the baby

6. Name your baby and call them by name

7. Take your time making decisions and discuss options with your husband before finalizing any decision.

8. Know that testing may be able to check for chromosomal abnormalities from the placenta and umbilical so the baby would not be required for chromosomal testing.

9. You can and should set boundaries. People may say “the wrong thing” forgive their ignorance and tell them your boundaries.

10. Know that grieving is hard work and it takes time so don’t try and rush it.

11. Journal your thoughts. By journaling, you can release some stress, create memories and promote healing. Listening to music related to loss may help during this process.

12. Let others help. Accept meals, help around the house and babysitting. It is hard enough just to make it through each day. Letting others help you gives them something they can do when they feel helpless to help you in this situation.

13. Find a support group in your area. You can check with SHARE or Faces of Loss/ Faces of hope. Also you can check with Loss Doulas International

14. Know that you will always miss your baby but it will not hurt this bad forever. In time you will find your new normal and laugh and have fun again.

15. Know that you are not alone. Pregnancy loss is not that unusual. One in four pregnancies is lost in the first trimester. One in thirty-three babies die in the second trimester. One in 130 babies die in the third trimester. There are people who understand how hard this kind of loss is. Try and connect with one of them. You can ask for a pregnancy loss peer, check with a support group, or ask for a Loss doula to be able to relate to in this time of sorrow.

16. If you are healthy and you are being rushed into a decision to end your pregnancy,  know there is not any true rush.  There is time to make a decision well into the third trimester.  Take your time and research.  Whether your child goes to heaven sooner or later, you don't want to be second guessing yourself for the rest of your life.  Make a FULLY informed decision so you are not tortured for the rest of your life.   I recommend the  book" A Gift of Time" by Amy Kuebelbeck to be truly educated before making a decision.  I have it on our book page but, you can also order it from other on-line book sites.  Please educate yourself as much as possible before making any decisions.

Here are some links to practical information when experiencing pregnancy loss:

How To Help Your Children

Poor Prognosis and Trisomy Diagnosis

Perinatal Hospice and Palliative Care

Perinatal Hospice

Be not Afraid / Poor Pre-natal Diagnosis

Isaiah's Promise / Fatal or Poor pre-natal Diagnosis

Vivian's Victory

Emily's Story

Journey with Anencephaly

After Pregnancy Loss

Drying up Breast Milk

Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Healing

Please take a very important survey to help families experiencing pregnancy loss

I had to write and thank you for what you are doing.  It is never easy to loose a baby, but you have helped me know how I can deal with my sweet boy's tiny, frail body.  I am so grateful to have gotten to see him when I miscarried at 10 1/2 weeks - so grateful - but I was entirely at a loss what to do with his tiny frame.  I could not conceive of anything less than a burial, but had no idea how to go about it.  An old shoe box under the tree in the yard, while fine for a canary, seemed so inappropriate for my son. You have helped me to understand what I can do to take the next step in healing and helping my other children find peace and closure.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  God bless you!

~Katie~

Click to hear Donna's Radio Interview On Catholic Answers

I'm extremely thankful for your website.  God knew what He was doing when he helped me cross your path.  I have been on your website for 5 days straight.  Thank you for providing so much information I would have otherwise not known.  With your help I have been able to go through the grieving process better.  I had learned what to expect and how to save and cherish my baby.  When I found out last week that my baby had died, I was so angry and upset.  And having it still inside me was at times unbearable.  Mainly because I didn't know when I was going to have him and what it was going to be like.  But last night as I laid in bed and was talking with my husband, I was very thankful I had the past week to gain knowledge and understanding of the situation. Your phone consultation was also very helpful.  I was so thankful that I've had the opportunities to hold him and take pictures of him.  This is an experience that is certainly a life transforming experience and I'm so blessed. 

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New Miscarriage Kit

Miscarriage kit includes collapsible colander, fetal development card, bottle for collecting baby, placenta bag, 3 pairs gloves, directions on saline submersion, pink storage bag.

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Disclaimer

This information is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified health care provider. Please consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Any attempt to diagnose and treat an illness using the information in this site should come under the direction of a trained medical practitioner. We accept no responsible for any adverse effects or consequences resulting from the use of any of the suggestions or procedures in this site or related internet links. By using the information in this web site you are confirming that you understand this statement and that you accept all risk and responsibility.

All matters regarding your health should be supervised by your health care provider. All information provided in this site is for the purpose of education, not treatment.

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