Heaven's Gain Ministries

Miscarriage at Home

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Dear Parents who are experiencing the loss of a baby,

We are so sorry that your baby died. We know first hand how devastating a miscarriage can be. We are so sorry for all you are going through. We pray daily for those experiencing miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. This is the ministry we felt called to fulfill.    We believe all parents have the right to have delivery options and to grieve for their child.  Parents should be fully informed and not be rushed into any decisions. Of course, you need to listen to your doctor’s advice. Usually, there is time to make many of the decisions you will need to make. We would like to make a few recommendations that we hope will help you as you greive and heal. You can find these recommendations below

Blessings and healing,

Donna and Jim Murphy

 

We would like to make a few suggestions/recommendations:

1.  It is not unusual for a mother to carry a child who is died for three to four weeks before she naturally passes their child. The mother may not know the baby has died for a couple of weeks, until she starts to bleed and has an ultrasound confirming the baby's death. During this time between finding out that her child has died and when she delivers is a time she can prepare herself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  See link for more info below.                                    

2.  Name your baby and call them by name

3. Take your time making decisions and discuss options with your husband before finalizing any decision.

4. Know that testing may be able to check for chromosomal abnormalities from the placenta and umbilical so the baby would not be required for chromosomal testing.

5. You can and should set boundaries. People may say “the wrong thing” forgive their ignorance and tell them your boundaries.

6. Know that grieving is hard work and it takes time so don’t try and rush it.

7. Journal your thoughts. By journaling, you can release some stress, create memories and promote healing. Listening to music related to loss may help during this process.

8. Let others help. Accept meals, help around the house and babysitting. It is hard enough just to make it through each day. Letting others help you gives them something they can do when they feel helpless to help you in this situation.

9. Find a support group in your area. You can check with SHARE or Faces of Loss/ Faces of hope. Also you can check with Loss Doulas International

10. Know that you will always miss your baby but it will not hurt this bad forever. In time you will find your new normal and laugh and have fun again.

11. Know that you are not alone. Pregnancy loss is not that unusual. One in four pregnancies is lost in the first trimester. One in thirty-three babies die in the second trimester. One in 130 babies die in the third trimester. There are people who understand how hard this kind of loss is. Try and connect with one of them. You can ask for a pregnancy loss peer, check with a support group, or ask for a Loss doula to be able to relate to in this time of sorrow.

Finding the Baby

  In order to prevent the panic of searching through the toilet each time you go to the bathroom, you may want to use a strainer or a small holed colander.  A strainer can be placed below you but above the toilet water each time you go to the bathroom.  You can clean the strainer after each use and keep it in a container right next to the toilet.  One would usually start using the strainer after you start spotting until you pass the baby. This can take several days or even a couple weeks. When the cramping starts coming regular and the bleeding increases you may want a "hat" urine measurer to place between the seat and the toilet to measure how much blood is lost to consult with your doctor.    Urine and liquid blood will pass through the strainer while clots, placenta, and the baby should not pass through the strainer.  Discern strainer contents and separate the baby (which is sometimes still in the sack) from the placenta and blood clots.   You may want to refer to a baby/fetal development website to help you learn what the baby will look like (see our Links page).  You may have carried the baby for a while after he/she died, so refer to the age of your baby from your ultrasound when looking up what you baby should look like.   Remember, gestational age is usually two weeks more than weeks from conception so, be sure to know what reference the book or website is using. 

      Often the baby comes out whole but, occasionally the baby has already started to disintegrate and may not be whole.  If the baby is whole, you may want to place him/her in a jar of water to better see his/her beautiful features.  Once placed in water, the baby may look more like published fetal development pictures from in the womb because he/she is suspended in water as he/she was in the womb.

Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Healing

Why use the bottle?

  Through our experiences in our own miscarriages, we realized that the handling and burial of a miscarried baby often brings with it some special challenges.  Specifically, the miscarried baby’s skeletal system is not fully developed, and so the baby does not retain his/her natural form after birth.  The miscarried baby’s body is very fragile and the skin may be sticky to the touch.  

    If still in the womb, the baby would be peacefully floating in his/her own amniotic fluid.   Our bottles allow the baby to be suspended in the natural state of water. Babies at this stage are meant to be suspended in amniotic fluid.  The use of the bottle filled with water gives the body of the baby a womb-like  environment.  We recommend a solution of 50% saline and 50% distilled water to preserve the baby for a couple days until burial.   In our own experience, our miscarried baby did not look exactly as we expected from the baby development pictures.  When place in a jar with a combination of distilled and saline water, our baby returned to his natural beautiful state.  This change in appearance allowed our other children and family members to view the baby.  Also, the clear bottle allows the baby to be photographed. 

       Placing our baby in the womb-like environment of the bottle, and partially wrapping the bottle with a blanket allowed us to cuddle and rock our baby without worrying about skin breakdown.  After being suspended in water, our baby's appearance was improved.  If you are uncomfortable burying the baby in the bottle, the bottle can be used just temporarily to help preserve the baby with the side effect of improving his/her appearance in and out of the water.

     We carefully selected bottles for our various caskets according to the baby's age and size. This is why we ask the baby's age/trimester.  Although recommended, use of the bottle is totally optional.  We will include the bottle and you can make your own decision.
  At this point, we only have bottles fitting babies up to 28 weeks.

Please check out our links page for much more information

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New Miscarriage Kit

Miscarriage kit includes collapsible colander, fetal development card, bottle for collecting baby, placenta bag, 3 pairs gloves, directions on saline submersion, pink storage bag.

$20.00

Gestational Age (Weeks)

Why Name the Baby?

It has been shown that naming your baby helps in healing.  We believe that all miscarried children should be named, no matter whether their remains are recovered or not. Naming a child acknowledges them as a human being and a member of your family. 

Drying up Breast Milk

How To Help Your Children

I'm extremely thankful for your website.  God knew what He was doing when he helped me cross your path.  I have been on your website for 5 days straight.  Thank you for providing so much information I would have otherwise not known.  With your help I have been able to go through the grieving process better.  I had learned what to expect and how to save and cherish my baby.  When I found out last week that my baby had died, I was so angry and upset.  And having it still inside me was at times unbearable.  Mainly because I didn't know when I was going to have him and what it was going to be like.  But last night as I laid in bed and was talking with my husband, I was very thankful I had the past week to gain knowledge and understanding of the situation.  I was very thankful that I knew how to catch my baby with a strainer and how to preserve him for a while longer.  I was so thankful that I've had the opportunities to hold him and take pictures of him.  This is an experience that is certainly a life transforming experience and I'm so blessed. 

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